When Honesty Hurts, But Silence Harms - The Hidden Dangers of “Keeping the Peace”

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmat Allahi wa barakatuh,

What does it mean to truly care for someone? Is it to offer kind words, avoid conflict, and keep the peace at all costs? Or is it something deeper — perhaps something more difficult?

Imam Sha’rani reminds us of a profound distinction: the difference between mudarat and mudahana. While both seem like acts of goodwill, they arise from very different places within the heart.

Mudarat is sincere, constructive advice given with the intention to help another person grow. It’s like the careful guidance of a doctor who, despite the discomfort it may cause, gives the patient the correct treatment they need to heal. It requires wisdom, patience, and a willingness to endure the momentary sting of honesty for the sake of long-term benefit. As one of my teachers explained, “Sincerity must ooze out of you,” so that the person can sense your genuine concern.

Mudahana, on the other hand, is flattery and concealment — choosing silence or shallow compliments to avoid discomfort. It’s easier, yes, but it comes at a cost. When we overlook someone’s faults out of selfish motives, we fail to fulfill their right as our brother or sister. Problems left unaddressed fester and grow, often harming not just the individual but the entire community. Imam Sha’rani warns, this type of false peace ultimately leads to spiritual ruin.

The heart of this teaching lies in love — not love for oneself, but love for others. It’s a love so selfless that it prioritises another’s spiritual well-being over one’s own comfort. How many of us can say we love our brothers and sisters enough to risk a difficult conversation, knowing it might invite aggressive resistance or hurt feelings? 

But there’s another side to this equation: how we receive criticism. Even if the advice stings or feels unjust, we are encouraged to listen with an open heart and avoid defensiveness. By fostering this mutual exchange of guidance and goodwill, we cultivate a community built on sincerity, trust, and spiritual growth.

These lessons remind us of the weighty responsibility we carry for one another. Whether giving or receiving advice, the focus must always remain on sincerity and selflessness. 

May Allah grant us the wisdom to advise with kindness, the humility to accept correction, and the sincerity to uphold the rights of our brothers and sisters.

Wassalam,

Munibah